A Letter To A Squatter

Dear Occupant,

(I am using the word “occupant” because I am not sure what term to be using. You don’t pay rent (at least not to me, so you are not “renter”. The property to be discussed is in no way, implied or otherwise, a possession of your own, so you’re not “owner”. Perhaps “squatter” is a better term!)

I am writing to officially let you know that you are put on notice. You are currently using a facility, my body, that does not belong to you and for which access was never granted, neither specifically nor implied.

As such, be forewarned, Mr./Ms. Lymphoma, that my associates and I will do whatever we need to do to expel you and yours from the premises in as timely a manner as possible.

As I type this, my associates continue to research background information regarding you and your ilk in hopes of obtaining the most effective manner with which to eject you from the premises while doing as little damage to the facilities as possible.

Likely within a week, perhaps slightly over, we will begin with a 6-month course of chemotherapy.

Although we are under no false pretenses that this will be painless, please know that I am a Taurus and I am also descended from German and French lineage. So when I get ready for a fight, I fight!

Also know that my motivation for ensuring the continued health and safety of these premises is simple, beautiful, and almost poetic. It is something I have fought my whole life to achieve and I will not allow you or anyone to take it from me.

So bring it on!